Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Dairy 1

Getting straight to what I feel today – It seems like no books, nor blogs that I have come across talk in actual what could be the possible problems to a distressed relationship between a couple. Terrible talks, even terrible fights and fists, after-fight shocks and effects and the busy routine work and imbalance of life, no one wishes to have such phase. But looks like for me they are not just phase, they are becoming part, no can’t accept it, but I will, that’s the first step I will take to make my life a bit better. So I will start writing my thoughts and happenings to trace it back and find some solution to my life and meaning of my thousand breaths that I have taken on this planet.
Somehow my mind keeps on thinking about how to get things straight and what more can I do. But its time I accept that now I cannot do anything more than what I have done. Is this a situation which is faced by most human beings or it is a situation faced by most female beings? So many common things I see in my man and others. Whether a woman is perfect or not it just doesn’t matter to men, Men have their arguments and are never ready to accept that their actions have screwed things up, or maybe they just accept it in interviews and parties to show how cool and matured they are. Funnily every man things they resemble to that man in the interview, sure they do.
So whats my problem? Well mine is may be the same mundane issues. Men are irresponsible and selfish, they even love woman selfishly. Woman who wants money, men don’t give them enough and women who don’t want money men are just after giving them that, regardless whether they have it or not.
But the point here is what do a man understand when a woman says I don’t want your money? Well to my perspective they think we live on air and can survive even in space hanging.
Mine is the same problem. Probably I know how to get my money from and so I don’t ask that from him, but definitely I speak up when my hard earned money is poured out to his irresponsible spends. Should there be a problem? Will I be called a money minded woman? Shouldn’t I call him a money minded man?
All the while I was trying to think how not to ask for money from him and I realised that I never did. All I was asking him to pay for his expenses as I am not yet a millionaire to take care of his extravagant expenses and luxuries. Though he has been enjoying all that this while and still I am asked what is that I am not getting from him.
Right! I studied, I worked, I get paid, I spend minimally and he gets the luxuries from where? He’s got a car, house, best comfy job, friends and family to his support and laughter. Why does he need me then? And why do I need him? What does marriage give? Should we expect anything from marriage? If not then I am free, I should no more support his needs and luxuries and If Yes then where is my share? How long should one wait to get the results? 1, 5, 10, 15years and what if you die before that? Why wait? Why not get happy now? Why not kill all those problems or problem causing roots?
If you ask this, then sure his parents will vote for him and say fine, if you feel so you are free beta!!! But how many times will they say this? Do they wish to keep their son ever dependent? Well this is a case where the son himself is a dumb man who depends on his parents verdict of me letting free.
Is this a bigger problem than money and other stuff in a married life?
Yes, I feel the main focus in marriage should be to look for one’s needs and also what the other person needs. Check if you are capable of fulfilling your needs first, are you satisfied enough in life , then ask can you take care of her needs? If the answers in any case is NO it’s a complete failure then. One shouldn’t move ahead at all. Also one more thing which causes failure is the definition of needs, love and fun. What men consider as fun may not be the same for woman, so should they still think that if they are having fun and a woman is accompanying them means that she too is getting her fun part in life and do men know that by doing this she is actually trying to say that I respect your likings and will welcome them as if they are mine? Well have men ever tried to give back the same, being a part of their fun and making her feel that even that is his fun part. Woman can do it so effortlessly, being a part of her husband’s fun and activities that he likes. Very rarely you come across men who love doing what her women likes. Enjoying with her husband by doing what he like doesn’t mean that she has no desire of her own. She is just waiting for her turn or may be for that time where she can display her likings and do it too. But unfortunately that spare time which she always waits for never comes, its pre-consumed by her man already. One more rock which can break a marriage badly. This might suffocate a person who trusts her husband and keeps waiting for months to do things she likes. On this road she most of the time loses the feel on how to enjoy her likings and feels guilty on proposing her likings. Who brings her to this state? Just like men even women are brought up by their parents in such a way that they always got what they liked, still so spontaneously they melt and gel into someone’s likings, that’s what I call real LOVE! So you just saw the glimpses of love and yes they are glimpses, she is making all her effort to grow it into a full-fledged love, but who on earth will make the man understand this simple thing that nothing grows overnight you need to make it grow. But men think love is already there and its going to be there no matter how insensitive they behave, how irresponsible they become still no one could challenge them when they utter those 3 words ‘I Love You” “Honey”!!!!! God save the world from these 3 over used words which hold no meaning anywhere now!!!
Coming back to needs, needs are not just financial and physical, a very very very important aspect is neglected especially by old fashioned parents who themselves don’t have ability to resolve this sensitive issue and that aspect is emotional need. Emotional needs are not just a shoulder to cry and a company to laugh, this is such a narrow and so mean way of representing emotional needs. Emotional needs are too wide to explain, but at least if a partner can start understanding or even if he/she manages to feel what the other person may feel about things, situations and people than half battle is won. If you know how bad it feels when someone makes u miserable then you should be able to know that it feels same when the other person is miserable, but do you actually define which is that situation when a person is miserable, how do you know that? Well that’s when you are supposed to feel or learn to feel how your partner feels, if you ignore like most men does then u surely fail. The only time you check carefully is when you do foreplay, to check if the person is ready or not.

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